Naturally, a smoker (a mom) will be moving in next door. I went over to see what was going on when I heard noise next door. Her young son has asthma, so she doesn't smoke inside, or so she says. She says she'll smoke on the back porch. Now I'm concerned about the smoke leaking in any cracks in our back door and window. *sigh*
We've already put plastic on our back bedroom window to cut the cold so hopefully it will keep the smoke out, too, but we'll have to check to make sure it's completely taped. I may have rat take the plastic down so I can tape around the actual window itself as an extra precaution.
I don't know if they're moving in this weekend or next weekend - forgot to ask. I bet it will be next weekend because the mgt likes to keep the leases neat and all be on the first of the month.
We got a taste of toxicity the other night when maintenance resurfaced all the counter tops and a toxic smell was outside, even though the windows and doors of the apt were CLOSED. We went inside our old place and got barreled-over by the smell that also took out my lungs that night. We talked to our ex-downstairs neighbors (the smokers) and they said it was terrible for them, too.
Later that night as I was settling into bed, I smelled it again, coming through the phone connections by my head close to the floor. I had to triple-layer tape over the three connection boxes there to stop the stench.
We know these phone jack boxes are connected to our previous apt since we lived in our current apt first, 23 years ago, and discovered one of the phone jacks hooked up to the guy next door. That meant there was a hole in the firewall. Hole in firewall means instant transfer of any disgusting smell from the other apt.
Last night, rat went over and sealed the phone jack in our past apt with Great Stuff to hopefully stop the smell from coming through. We're also going to seal around all the connections I taped when we get the chance. rat had to do blood work today, then go over to my folks' place to help with some plumbing stuff.
We hope the firewall will stop anything they may have covered in smoke (like furniture and clothes) from stinking up the inside of their apt. Still, we may have to go up in the attic (our apt has the building's attic access) and put up plastic to cover the access hole on the firewall. We may have to cover the back door with plastic, too. I'll need to seal around the glass first as an extra protective measure.
I just finished a SERIOUSLY long cry concerning this because I have no idea why we're being subjected to this poison repeatedly. And my body is having all sorts of adverse reactions like shooting nerve tingles down my legs and across my head. I bet the rheumo and neuro will put me on higher-strength drugs when I see them next Thursday (one in the morning, one in the early evening). And I don't want drugs. I want to learn how to control my amygdala.
Are we supposed to move again, into another apt we know is currently available in the next building above the cigar smoker (he smokes outside and is a really nice guy - has a big fluffy cat named Bandit) and we'd be next to the 'display' apt so no one would be living next door to us.
Are we supposed to move into that ratty house that needs so much work and if we did we'd have to get rid of half of our belongings due to lack of space? And eventually we'd default on the loan because we couldn't afford the house?
So I'm feeling up-in-the-air and out-of-control at the moment. And that's what gets me - when I read about panic/anxiety attacks it talks about how to control them by working it out in your brain about how whatever is bothering you is not going to hurt you and you will get over it. It's NOT that way for me because smoke WILL hurt me, and badly!
I know I've been quiet. Trying to get better and not get too stressed.
I was doing fine until yesterday (Sunday), when the excitement at going to a doll meetup for the first time in a while spiked my adrenaline then kicked in the anxiety. By the time I got there I was drained of energy and felt half-dead. I HATE this!
And now this evening we saw a painter leaving our old place, which means they're fixing it up for new renters. Now I want to cry and can't due to the meds stopping me from being emotional and I'm feeling the need to freak out (but I can't because of the meds) because if smokers move in and they smoke inside or even outside with our crappy front door that's bent so it doesn't seal well and lets air blow in then we're up the shit creek without a paddle, being poisoned by new neighbors yet again.
We can't afford a house. Our finances are in shambles. Interest rates have gone up on the cards we're desperately trying to pay off and we're both floundering. We can pay minimum, naturally, but that's not going to get us out of debt in three years. I don't have the energy after a full day of work to get a second job to help pay bills. I have doctor bills to pay and medication/supplements out of the wazoo I have to take daily. I don't have anything of worth I can sell since I gave so much away and no one has money to buy anything because they're all in the same place we are.
I'm praying hard for non-smoking neighbors, but it didn't work last time. I can only hope it works this time.
I just know I can't live through being smoke poisoned again.
Okay, here come some tears. I need to deal with this.
Today, I ate all but part of my biscuit from a McDonald's Big Breakfast, all of my Mexican lunch from Dos Charos (small guacamole, chicken enchilada, cheese enchilada, beef taco with lots of lettuce and tomato on top) AND a regular-sized Schlotzskys for dinner.
This is the FIRST time I have eaten that much food in one day in MONTHS. That's right, MONTHS. This is April 2010. The last time I ate that much food in one day was sometime last November 2009, FIVE MONTHS AGO.
I don't know if this is the beginning of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel or not. I've lost a lot of weight - 36 pounds. I hope I can keep it off, but all my research about the current medication being tossed at me says otherwise.
Going off Cymbalta let me take Zyrtek for my sinus problems and it made me a little sleepy, which is good.
I'm still dealing with the mouth ulcers. My rheumatologist (doc #3) said they were cold sores inside my mouth and probably came up because of stress/anxiety. She made me sit in the exam room with her for a moment and think about the stress I've been under lately and I confessed how I really didn't want to take the Cymbalta initially and it HAD stressed me badly the first time I swallowed it. So no wonder my mouth exploded!
The Xanax was still only giving me three hours of sleep at night so the rheumo and I discussed something a little stronger. Originally she mentioned Valium but then she decided to go with something between the two, called Klonopin, to help me sleep. Later I found out it's for anxiety, too. I took one and only slept three hours again that first night but woke up not groggy AND I DIDN'T CRY! I felt good and went to work and was able to function and focus just fine. Just had a few teeny little stress tugs but got over them quickly and went back to work.
I called the next day on how nicely the Klonopin worked when I woke up and also to see if I should start the Cymbalta again (even though she didn't prescribe it) and asked for stuff for my mouth ulcers, which my rheumo approved. So I'm taking Valtrex three times a day for five days and the ulcers are clearing up. I've decided to NOT start the Cymbalta again until the ulcers are gone for good.
I slept a lot more hours last night, too. Partly I think it's because Klonopin, Valtrex and Zyrtek all have drowsiness factors so the combo is taking me out longer, which is good. I'm also getting in a lot of naps this long weekend. And I'm dreaming again!
Let me tell you, the Klonopin is doing a MUCH better job of keeping my stress under control with 1mg and just slightly less of a good job on the neuropathy than the 20mg of Cymbalta. Klonopin worked almost immediately while Cymbalta took a few days to kick in.
The Cymbalta made me stupid and I still cried every morning, however, I stopped feeling the neuropathy and felt only a few little twinges in my head. Going off it started bringing the gripping feeling in my chest.
I feel SO much better right now. I have not cried in the morning since starting the Klonopin. In fact, I haven't cried at all, except for a little misty-eyed time when I prayed on Good Friday to thank Jesus for his sacrifice.
I even got a flash of a story snippet today on the way to the chiropractor!
I can only hope and pray this good news continues and I will quickly be able get my adrenaline under control again and I can get OFF these pills and really get back to normal.
Thanks: --> to Lia, my sensei, who has inspired me to draw again. I
wouldn't be doing this without your support, Domo Arigato!
--> to Talon, for sending me her fabulous fics, inspiring me with her writing to draw my first
illustration for a story and actually liking what I drew.
--> to Dasia, for her words of encouragement when drawing her original chara.
--> to Joules, a wonderful epic fic writer, for liking my art enough to want to post them with Talon's
and her own stories.
--> to Lutra, the other half of the epic team, for being so supportive.
--> to Jacque' & Becca Raddittzu, we met on eBay as bidder and sellers and now we are face-to-face
friends. You showed us the real DBZ with your fansubs. It's all your fault the house is full of
doujinshi! *LOL*
:: welcome to bakayaro onna's mindless ramblings, rants & raves :: 
